I’m having a home abortion in a few days and really don’t want to tell my flatmates. Is it ok to do this alone or should I tell them just in case something goes wrong?
You don’t have to tell anyone about your abortion if you don’t want to. At most, you can tell your flatmates that you’re just not feeling well and/or having a heavy, painful period. You can also ask them to come and check on you after you have taken the misoprostol.
Medical abortions are very safe - safer than taking paracetamol, viagra and aspirin in fact. Although very rare, there are a few risks (as with any medicine or medical procedure) and these will be explained to you by your abortion provider. The only thing we would advise is having the contact details of a medical professional close by and ensuring that you are less than 1 hour away from a medical centre/ hospital in case you do need some extra support.
Since my termination 4 months ago, I haven’t been able to have an orgasm (by myself or my partner). I feel like this is adding extra stress to an already shitty situation. Any tips on how to fix this?
Changes in libido and our ability to experience pleasure and orgasm are common after a termination. Often, these changes are caused by conscious or unconscious emotions related to the experience which then impact us on a physical level. The source may be shame, anger, fear of getting pregnant again, mistrusting our bodies etc.
More than a quick answer on here, we would definitely suggest booking a few sessions with Zachi, or even our pals over at Ferly.
For now though, here are four exercises that you can try to reduce the stress and connect compassionately with yourself, starting from a very sensual (not-sexual) place:
1. Practice sensuality in your everyday life through a mixture of observation and action to gently connect with your body. Both can be effective in moving away from a flight, fight or freeze state to a state of rest, restoration, calm and pleasure. For example, an observation could be noticing how the water feels on your skin in the shower and an action could be making a cup of tea because you enjoy the aroma of the tea and feeling of warmth in your hands.
2. Take time to breathe and during these moments, check in with your body. How does your body feel as a whole? How do specific parts of your body feel? Where do you hold tension?
3. Whilst in a comfy position, and without any touch or penetration, start to engage with your sexual thoughts and desires. Explore what they look like, let your mind wander. Be aware of any changes in your body. How does this make you feel?
4. Use touch to stimulate erogenous zones in your body which aren’t your genitals - you may discover new ones or wish to explore existing ones. This may be your nipples, ears, back, elbows etc. Experiment with different types of touch too (play with temperature, pressure, speed), creating a very physical experience which can help you stay present. Focus on connecting with your yourself, the sensation and pleasure rather than reaching orgasm.
Be compassionate and patient with yourself. Frustrating advice we know, but this is (from experience) the best place to start.
I’m about to have an abortion at home and wondered what to do with the tissue when it comes out?
For many people having a medical abortion at home, pregnancy tissue is usually either passed on the toilet or in pads and disposed of in either of these two ways. If you don’t have any specific wishes, then for you, one of these two options may be more than fine. Others may choose to have a small burial in their garden or on private land, although there are a few legalities around this. You can read more information about this on the BPAS website.
Please note:
Depending on the length of your pregnancy and the size of the embryo, may or may not be visible it passes unnoticed with the pregnancy tissue, clots and blood.
How will I feel after my abortion?
Abortions are personal, and so everyone will feel slightly different after theirs. Emotionally, you may feel a range of things, some of which may even feel contradictory like relief and pride, joy and guilt. Physically, some people feel fine after a few days, whilst others may feel more drained, achy and/or be experiencing some postpartum symptoms.
For now and as you move forwards focus on prioritising your needs as they arise and if you need some extra guidance or support, get in touch.